I got sexually assaulted at the superbowl

Like about 200,000 other people, I went to the Super Bowl Village this Friday. I was expecting to spot some celebrities and get my dance on at the LMFAO concert. Instead I probably got the measles, unwillingly rubbed against a bunch of dudes and was sexually assaulted by two women.

If you would ever consider going to an LMFAO concert DON’T. Sure I expected to see a few clubbers with herpes on their face but this crowd was sick. Literally sick. The fringe crowd looked like they had your basic cold but as I pushed my way towards the front I saw people with rabbis, TB, and gonorrhea. I can only assume that the people in the front row had full blown AIDS. When I decided that seeing LMFAO was not worth contracting the HIV I began screaming, “I have to pee” in the hope that this STD infected crowd would clear a path. People immediately stepped out of my path and just as I was about to congratulate myself for my quick thinking two women with herpes on their face blocked my path. And when I say two women with herpes on their face I mean this and that. “I have to pee” I shouted, expecting them to move. “I know,” they said.